Joint LSW & T8 #33 Nalgae Hash

Hares - Hopeless, Gorf

Hashers - Barely Legal, VelcroLips, Call Me Sheila, Minja Turtle, Dan Paz, Lap Sap Gow, Gobi Lo, Lost in Translation, Sticky Sex Toy, Octopussy, Pole Dancer, Blow My Tits, Pissed in Pink, Indyanus, Walkie Talkies, Foot Fetish, Thermal Dick, Ice Dancer, Fartypants, Timbits, Junko, Screwtop, Telecum, Liberace, Luci (N2TH3), Burning Lust, Who the F is Christine, Smallbone, Monte us one, Monte Wife, Moonie, Freebee, Poon Tang, Inflate-a-date Buttfuk, Catamite, Rooted, Dingaling, Daddy Pants, Princess Cock Tosser

Write-up - Gobi Lo

It was with bated breath that all of Hong Kong waited for HKO's T8 signal to go up. There was plenty of debate in town about whether the rich wankers bankers' "conference" will still go ahead or if it would be stopped in its track by Typhoon Nalgae, which had already ripped through the Philippines with devastating effects.

It turned out that it was a typhoon day after all, and our original hare Gorf decided to step back and let the T8 hash take precedent. Little did he know, his haring duties wouldn't be that easily cast off...

At 4pm the T8 / LSW pack gathered at Hang Hau Garden with strong winds (remarkedly different from Happy Valley where I set out from, which was as calm as a millpond). At 4:15pm Small Bone decided to hold the briefing - standard Free China Hash instructions, BUT the ladies were only allowed a 20 seconds head start ahead of the men. Is that how long it takes for the lads to come? Hmmm....

Off we went across the road, with Thermal Dick taking a completely different tack from everyone. Thermal sure was running faster than I've seen him run for a long time; perhaps the last couple of years in the UK had given him enough training to strengthen his knees? The only other person I saw running as fast as if it was the last 500m of a race, was Who the Fu*k is Christine. Can someone please tell him that he doesn't get an ego stroke for running the fastest in the first 1km of the hash?

Anyway, yours truly did not get to run as fast at the start because I got pretty much every single check wrong (Blow My Tits will attest to the number of times I got in front of her and then fell back because of a wrong check and then overtake her again). The trail took us up Ying Yip Road past the roundabout, and more checks, then up the shiggy into the village where a group of us got stuck behind Mary Poppins Freebie, with her ridiculously large, (un)fashionable rain coat.

At some point Screwtop found herself right at the front - woohoo, LSW represent! - but unfortunately for her, it was the start of the ridiculously thorny, scratchy, brambly shiggy. It was so thorny that we had to hold the branches up for the person behind (thanks PCT), lest it whacked them like some gladiator weapon. Mooney at this point was like a feral dog, wanting to just charge through the brambles but I managed to skip around him.

The trail went up along a rope, along a fence, then onto a small clearing which brought us down some metal steps. At this point Who the Fu*k is Christine saw an opening where he could push Screwtop out of the way to be in pole position. Seeing a lad push someone out of the way just to lead the pack is already bad enough but when he was heading down the steps he was so slow I could turn around and chat with Screwtop, and maybe even had a little catnap too...zzz zzz

PSA: if you want to lead the pack through single-track trails / shiggy, make sure you are fast enough! Otherwise, just put your ego aside and let the ladies go first.

It was here that the hares gave us the most "adventure". It was pure virgin bramble with so much covering the concrete steps you couldn't see where you were stepping, as Burning Lust and Ice Dancer found out to their detriment. A minute later as the trail snaked around the first part of the shiggy, I heard loud cries of frustration, pain and annoyance from Rooted who somehow managed to get thorns in her head. Apparently Burning Lust was right next to her but his priorities was catching the FRBs so he promptly ignored her and carried on. True hash love.

A check placed right in the thick of the shiggy allowed me to finally overtake the fake FRB Who the Fu*ck is Christine, and then it was more climbing over piles of rubbish and over metal bridges and then squishing through smelly mud, which according to Lost in Translation, the T8 virgins Foot Fetish and Junko were horrified with. They stood on little rocks not wanting to believe that they had to wade through mud, which made for some fun entertainment at the Circle later.

Back onto Clear Water Bay Road where I saw the unwitting hare running around like a headless frog. Poor Gorf, running back up the hill and then getting inundated with questions about where the trail goes, to which he kept saying he really didn't know! More checks at Duckling Hill but the boys around me refused to do any checking (where's your excuse, Poon Tang?), so I did what I had to do and finally found trail leading down the hill.

I flew by Smallbone who looked like he was still having fun on a T8 hash, then to show the boys their place I stepped on the gas pedal and gunned it. Yes, Poon Tang, I got a few more checks wrong but I did them all without any help, and was still first in! Any Dick Will Do once told me (wisely) that when men come in first on the hash, they beam and make zero excuses for how fast they are. When women come in first on the hash, they will say things like "Oh, some of the others were caught in some checks and that's how I got ahead". So this is me saying - yes I am bloody fast, and boys, it's ok to be slower than me. LOL!

Thank to Liberace, we came back to a giant bucket of three different types of beer as well as softies. Thank you Liberace for ignoring Hopeless' advice to get just 84 cans of beer and instead, getting 120 cans! Well done. Well done to the hares Hopeless and especially Gorf who was literally roped in to do the hash by Hopeless when he showed up a little before 4pm.

The circle had to be moved to the overhead bridge as it started to rain incessantly and the pagoda proved too small to provide ample cover for all the hashers. We were introduced to the T8 Hash founder Dingaing, as well as the other two gentlemen who actually had the original T8 idea - Farty Pants and Lap Sap Gow. Hopeless and Indy led the circle, followed by a few DDs from the floor. A merry time was had by all!! On On to the next T8 hash (probably next year), and to the next LSW at Fo Tan.

6.69km